A Quick Guide To Comp Speak

Sorry for the lack of a blog yesterday.  I got back to start writing and was so tired that I fell asleep whilst typing.  I woke up at 3am with a cold cup of tea next to me, all the lights on and about 20,000 full stops on the page as I’d obviously dozed off with my finger resting on this key.

Anyway we had another good task today which I’ll talk about in tomorrow’s blog along with how pilots plan their tactics for such a long event as this.

I did try to video the task today to give an idea of what it’s like to be in the thick of the action but as it was quite rough the soundtrack had a lot of swearing on it except for when I was saying something useful to explain what was going on when it only contained wind noise.  A bit of work needed on my videoing skills, I think.

In the meantime I’ve produced a quick ‘User’s Guide To World Championship Pilot Phrases’ so that you will all be able to read between the lines of the other pilots’ blogs and race reports.

Comp Pilot Translations

1 – How Was The Day?

‘I was a bit late into goal’ – I was so slow that I was thermalling by moonlight.

‘The conditions were really hard’ – I bombed out.

‘The flying is really tricky’ – I flew like shit and need something to blame other than my own incompetence.

‘I’m having an early night’ – I flew so badly that I’m going to sulk in my room on my own all evening.

‘Tomorrow’s another day’ – And it can’t be any worse than today was.

2 – The Task

‘What a stupid task!’ – I was too chicken to push enough speed bar on the into wind leg.

‘I was right at the front until…’ – I was at the back all day.

‘I had a great start but things didn’t work out after that’ – For once in my life I got a decent start and was so excited about it that I flew myself into the ground.

‘The retrieve took a long time to come’ – I landed so early that the retrieve vehicles were still up at launch.

‘I got stuck’ – I have no idea how to fly on my own and always mess it up once I have nobody to follow.

‘I took a bad line’ – I ignored the obvious line of cumulus clouds forming in front of me and sunk like a stone.

‘I took a really good line’ – I was cloud flying most of the way

‘Bob took a really good line’ – Bob was cloud flying but I’m not going to protest him because he took a photo of me doing the same thing.

3 – How Did You Feel?

‘I wasn’t feeling so good in the air’ – Me and my mates were drinking vodka in a lap-dancing club till 5am until our team manager came and found us.

‘I had quite a close moment in a busy thermal’ – I am currently on the run from the Russian Team who I spent all day cutting up and was then stupid enough to mouth off to their team leader about it in goal.

‘It was a little rough from time to time’ – I was shitting myself all day.

‘That area slowed me up a bit’ – I was so scared I had the brakes jammed on and was praying to God for my safe return to Earth

4 – The Glider

‘My glider can be a bit of a handful’ – I’m not good enough to fly my glider and should really be on a serial wing.

‘The trimming is not really finished on the glider’ – My glider is rubbish but the manufacturer gave it to me for free so I can’t slag it off.

‘My new glider is not so forgiving as the old one’ – I thought I was going to die and am now embarrassed that somebody saw my harness shaking after that big cravat.

5 – The Pilot’s Performance

‘I’m not sure they scored me right’ – I can’t have been THAT slow!!!  Where’s my other GPS?

‘You have to be really lucky here’ – I can’t work out how the top pilots always seem to get a thermal after each glide

‘I got unlucky’ – I’m not a top pilot.

‘The final glide was very deceptive’ – I pushed too hard and landed two fields short of goal.

‘I judged the goal glide perfectly’ – I was so low on final glide that I thought I was going to take out the power lines to the local town.

6 – The Goal

‘We need a windsock in goal’ – I landed downwind.

‘The goal area should be clear’ – I landed on top of the Red Bull tent

‘Can’t the marshals control the crowd’ – I landed on top of a group of onlookers.

‘They were not very friendly when I got to goal’ – I landed on top of the goal marshal.

‘The goal is pretty tight’ – I spun my wing getting into the goal field.

‘What a stupid f*cking goal’ – I spun my wing getting into the goal field AND landed in a pile of horse shit/thistles/barbed wire.

So, onto yesterday’s report from me which you should now be able to decipher.

“It was a difficult day and I was a little late in goal (which could have done with a windsock).  I was right at the front till I got stuck for a while in quite a rough place.  By halfway round I was thinking it was a bit of a stupid task but I manged to take a really good line to get me out of trouble.  After a close moment in a busy thermal and a few bad lines that slowed me up a bit I judged the goal glide perfectly into the fairly tight goal field.  After all that I’m not sure they’ve scored me right but I said to myself that ‘tomorrow’s another day’ and had an early night.”

Pilots – worse liars than politicians.

Mark H